dairy1884

New Years evening 1884
Am here alone Sab. & Mrs. S. at church. Mark died with the old year. Today Sol. announced that Allen & Jason would form the circle on the outside as is their custom. So they may be counted but the instincts of the people bade them "to your tents for a mightly one has fallen." to My Surprise when I came out the people were far down the paths leading to their homes & tents. Surely the Sweet Singer is gone. Twice lately have I walked with poor Sarah to that Spot on the hill.
My Women rec^d not only the usual picture but a ribbon lay under it today. I asked them to keep them as a sign that today we have given our poor Selves through the consecration hymn to Jesus. how much need I have to remember this Myself. for Surely there never was one who has rec^d more from his hands. Oh that I might be so full of his spirit that the fault finding Spirit would have no place. letters from home showing his care there. poor Robert cried out Just like a child today at Marks funeral. The Billy family have reason to love each other. the children of the Same father & Mother. May the Lord touch Kipkapellikan & all Marks friends by this providence & care for poor Smitten Sarah.

2^st Sab of Jan. 1884
Sarah went to chruch with Me dressed all in black. looking Just like a white Widow. hope She will not think too much of dress as I fear some are. Sometimes I fear there is not much grace in any of them. Since I see so little in the one I used to think had the most. love of power seems to be the ruling motive. I ought to pray more earnestly for the Spirit of the Lord in my own fault finding heart & theirs - have not had My friend in the other part of the house much with Me lately. think I had them too much & puffed them up. the poor things. how little makes them wise & tyrannical. Sol. was at Jimmys feast. that gives S. much trouble. the maneuvring is not for another but for Self. in My opinion. hope the S. S. lessens in New T. will be blessed to Us all. the L family were all on the front seat with Me today where all try to get when coming to the front in Society. R. made his own announcements today. hope he always will. Oh but I need the charity that thinketh No evil. Need to Spend More time in prayer & in reading Gods word. I need not trouble Myself about plots & plans have but to turn back the pages of this book & Say David like Out of them all the Lord hath delivered Me.

Jan. 13^th [1884?]
Baked all forenoon for the feast for the wood hawlers. wood for the Church only four of them. A Council over the river was excuse enough. feast down at Marthas the Old S. house. did not Stay in the kitchen to See the cooking go on. went in to James H. part & We Sang. how quick they did get the dinner as they do every thing. We all Sat down together. if Sue & I had not Sent the things what would they have had poor things. the White pies did not agree with Mrs S. So had to give her My last Sedlety? powder am always So aftaid of Making them Sick.
Went down to See poor Misses K. what a pen. have been cooking Since I came home. the prayer meeting good with a fire in the house. called at Felixis & was so glad to See every thing hung up. & house clean & tidy? El’s -- daughter housekeeper, Mrs F hurt because she was not at the feast. Oh So cold for a few days but Mrs L & Mary walked on the ice today. how the interest has kept up in My S. this winter. With all the clouds which hung over it at the beginning Some one talking in S. am always glad for then the evening is My own. So now to My interesting book ElizabethPrentice.

Jan 21^st 1883 [sic]
What can I render to the Lord for all his benefits to Me. Unto thee Oh Lord be all the praise. tonight Sol. Seems himself again. for a long time he has been So puffed up managed every thing about the church. was So[illegible] in his own room. prays as if addressing the throne. doubtless under Jimmy’s power. Such fast talking & going about. did not come in for S. lessen Saturday evening. came near Sitting back by the door. I prayed the Lord to bring him up front. he did. R is treating as if there never was such a person. he looked So hurt yesterday. did not hear his voice in his room So went in. he was lying on lounge ildwishe. Sung a little & came away. after Silas came I could tell by the tones the Lords Spirit was not there. I covered up My head in bed thinking I might hear the Yell any Minute. could understand what the roused Spirit meant. this Morning before I ate My breakfast went in confessed. My heart was different that I was afraid S. L. prophecy was going to come true. the only thing I was sure he understood was the shaking hands twice. felt better thought I saw his Spirit was different when I saw him coming from S. feel sure from the way he said, come, that the worst is past. Oh how My heart is thanking the Lord who only can Subdue this Strange people. Glory to God. he does hear & answer prayer. I can hear his tamed voice reading now. All Hail the power of Jesus name.

Feb 10^th 1884
Oh so cold. thought I would never reach the Church today with all My budget bible hymbook & roll of S papers & then to Sit there through three Services without any fires. poor old Billy thinks he has made the wood & fires & swept long enough. I will try if we cannot get up a wood hauling party.-poor R. how he misspronounces "it vine was the Vineyard" James H. watches my face to See if I notice. R still continues to make his own announcements. what he should have done long ago. & his poor humbled Elder would have been Spared this fierce trial. his sermon last Sab. I think was a rebuke to Me for hunting up what God Says on the Sub. of personal clenliness. he looks upon it as hindering entrance to Church. putting burdens on them they cannot bear truly. perhaps it was for Silas to he preached they ought to wash their heads. poor things it is well they are under the care of the tenderest of Shepherds. have written long letter to Idaho Band in return for My Mizpah [illegible] I ought to rejoice that the Lord is bringing back My wandering heart & that the Daily Food is growing more & more precious. this morning it was the Noblemans call to Jesus to heal his Son, or My dear brother & Sisters & their families. Oh for unwavering faith. for More consecration More holines Give Me. perhaps the reading of Elizabeth Prentice is helping Me to feel My vileness. I Just hate Myself at times but how soon after I am here in thought [illegible] Some one. nothing but Gods grace can in this fault finding atmosphere keep Me from judging & condeming & reproving others when I should be trying to get the beam out of My own eyes and [illegible] or I perish

Feb 11^th 1884
And Solomen & Mrs. moved today & I am not troubled about being alone. how often through this anxious winter here I longed for this day. & how much I have to be thankful for that it was not Abram & M instead of Sol. the Lord knows best. how ashamed I have been that I showed temper towards Mrs S. about the picture. Jane is afraid but Fanny came back in answer to prayer. I try to excuse My self because I have hard winter with So many Children. but I never do wrong but it can be traced to My distance from the Master. Now I can pray & Sing alone & Oh how I need to. I need to be at his feet for My dear ones & for Myself. Nothing but the care & love of the Tender One can keep them from Sickness in all the dampness which Surrounds them from the Great flood. What a comfort to know if poor helpless Me am far away. that he is near. & can help. Oh Lord how We all need thee & poor Sallie. how often? My thoughts are in that Indiana home. May My bible be more & more precious here alone. Oh Lord help Me to live above the Clouds & not be troubled about Mr Deffenbaughs going away & Archies coming. for thus far thou hast led Me & dispelled clouds that seemed near & full of darkness, Lord leave Me not or My S to Myself. take us in thy care & keeping.

Feb 18^th 1883. [sic]
Had Such a good day yesterday Sab. snow So deep did not go to church. It would not be a good example to Stay at home on Sab. but the quiet reading & communion alone are profitable. began to read Exposition of the precious book of Lev. again by C. H. M. there is no other book of the Bible So full of Jesus & the Atonement as this book of Types. I turn to all the refferences find Hebrews is nearly related to Ex. & caught My self wondering how Paul So long ago understood Ex. So well. but then Paul & Moses were but writers for the Same One. Christ Standing for as Our High Priest. how precious & that Our prayers all pass through his loving hands. Oh how much of Mine is cast out as Straw & chaff. & how little reaches the fathers ear. how I look back now on My precious first year here. the Most precious year of My life (& Oh how I fretted under the discipline). & wanted any where else to run away from it. My patient patient Father how I thank thee Now. for that was the first year in Which I Saw beyond thy Son into thy loving face. & what revelations. how sweet their memory still. 13 in My S room today although the snow is knee deep even Mrs Lawyer. letters from Mary telling of Sallies Sickness. My poor brother is the Lord using another Method in his patient love to bring him to himself. how dear My dear ones are to Me I fear too dear. this people only Second in My prayers ought they to be first? Mrs C. I fear for her spiritually in that Godless foreign neighborhood.
A letter from Miss Gallaway asking for a letter for the Pres. Society. So I think I will write about New years day here how this old foot I sprained in the mountain troubles Me

March 6^th 1884
Just come from Mrs. Kentucks dying bed. Oh hard it is to die. looking at the physical suffering. poor Bartholemew led in prayer. Lydia So lately buried he said he was naked of Children. Although I think even now it was best for Mrs K. to stop S. one year ago. but how glad tonight if there never had been any need for it. perhaps the pressure brought to bear on Me made me see things colored. but she has no grudge in her heart. toward Me for it. how loving she gazed all over Me lovingly holding My hand Saying over & over My beloved Miss Kate. her dim eye this evening looked the Same love although not able to tell it. I am thankful I was able to show her My love during her sickness. Oh that from this day on I May Show more love to My Gracious Lord by more zeal in his work. I hope He will take the little of S. S. & make much of it - these poor children do So need strengthening in the Oneness of the believer & Christ today. Father & Son in heaven but the Spirit in the hearts of his children. An unheard of thing the Davids sessioned for trying to prevent their Wives from communion - persecuted for Christs Sake. was R. text. Will they come in the night to tell Me Mrs K. is gone perhaps it would frighten Me here alone (Oh that the Lord may hold her tight While in the river Melia Wheeler, Lydia, Now Mrs K. in five years out of My little School. Oh for more consecration.

March 23^d 1884
O how much of the Lords goodness he has made known to Me this Week past. the Lord has so directly answered prayer last week prayed to have Fannie back but did not ask for Jane. the next morning asked for Jane & here She came. then forgetting that I was only Sent to speak for the Lord spoke My own words to Jenet & She stayed away. until I had to pray for Several days. but the Lord Sent her too. I Just steped out into the kitchen & knelt before him a minute in thankfulness. I could not wait until S was out. bringing to My remembrance times when he has helped Me with hard examples in Arithmetic & Algebra. It is the Lord himself alone who has kept My S. together for they are so easily offended & Oh how often I act out Self when Self shoud be [illegible] Sarah went for the mail & I feared to hear from My dear ones. doubting his power to keep them well living in a house soaked by the late flood. although I did So ask to have them shielded. Lo before I asked he had answered. for Mary Says the strangest thing of all is they have never taken a bit of cold. not strange to Me now while my faith is Strong & then he gives me such a sweet feeling of Security here sleeping alone in My house but not [illegible] with all. Sue of cource in trouble. Says it comes all out of My S. because the Lawyers are in it. traces the trouble about plowing Sarahs land between her & Luke. Mary as well as the Lawyers must go. Lord Show Me if I am wrong in this if right give Me grace it bear it. how wide apart in heart We Sisters are. bring Us both Nearer to Thee.

Last Sab of March 1884
Communion Sab. I trust a profitable one to Us all. I thought as I sat the only White among them I would not exchange for a cushioned Seat in the old Eastern churches. to the eye of the Lord perhaps as much Sincerety as among the Wise. the Same petition went Up from My heart today that has been the burden of the prayer for Oh how many communion Seasons. that the precious Blood may be put upon My Brothers heart & his household & My Sisters & families. am not well. a new thing for Me to have a pain in the lungs. Sometimes when I feel dizzy I think perhaps I will go Suddenly as Father did. have always shrunk from death the pain of Death although the great Sting is taken away. Surely I am not deceived but am trusting alone to the merits of the precious Blood. how beautifully Robert expressed the Fathers nearness to Us by kupkinakik Jesus. (Just on the other Side of Jesus is the Father) The Wanderer W^m Pasons has returned. nearly three years of Silence. Luke who caused So much anxiety acknowledged to being a stranger to the Lord a long time now speaks & Sings. Silence is omenious but when the Spirit comes they confess. poor Mrs Kentuck still in her bed & Silas Whitman thrown from a horse.Soon My neighbors will all be gone but the Lord fills My home & I have not yet been afraid. Faith finds truly what ere it needs in Jesus.

Kamiah 20^th April
Presbytery in Lewiston today & all our preachers there. Billy conducted first service I the S. S. & Felix the 2^nd service Pauls talk to the Corinthians about the five bands was very appropriate here with Our four preachers. I find I can talk with more ease. Oh that I may be more like Paul. know nothing among them but Christ crucified. I need to remember the trees & flowers planted about the Well by the road side. Mrs Kentuck lies today back of the little church & we will Stand together at the judgement! A letter this week from one who was My pupil 24 years ago. telling Me she remembers My teaching yet. Oh that I might never forget this. I am writing for Eternity. & after all My worry a letter from Mary saying Sallie is better. taught the little ones Now I lay Me down to sleep both english & Nez P. it Seems the Children have not been taught to pray alone. indeed I think few of them practice secret prayer. although perhaps not a household without worship We all Women & Children in concert Said Ye are Christs & Christ is Gods. It has been such a precious verse for My own heart often the picture paper will help the children to remember the prayer.

April 28^th 1884
Marth has bidden Good by. She Starts back to Umatillas tomorrow. I think She makes a good Missionary. She goes not go as She went two years ago. all were against her then & She was glad to go now she has friends here & is sorry to go She has her little Hymn book well marked will be able to lead the Singing perhaps as pleasant a woman as is in the tribe.
Poor Mr Deffenbaugh is flying along eastward in the cars with his 16 month old boy in his arms & Mrs D body among the freight Mr D. was at Umatillas when she was found Sick alone. the kind people at the Fort took her there where she died Mr D got there three days before She died. of cource she was locked in. No intercource between her & the whites. Oh dear this life is so short there ought not to be so many unpleasant things in it. What a devoted wife & Mother she was & perfect housekeeper. Made My visit there a very pleasant one. how the Lord can carry out our plans in his own way. they intended to start home as soon as Presbytery was over. So they did the very day but what a sad starting. the child Must be in his arms all the way but he understands traveling & few could do as well. Robert conducted the S. S. in Lewiston before Presbytery & Solomen Says was not ashamed. they are never embarrassed never. all are pleased with Pres.

June 29^th 1884
Robert conducted the 1^st regular review lessen today We have ever had. he has the elemants of a splendid Superintendant. What that S. S. is to this people. in indoctrinating them & Oh much they need it. Oh that the Lord would bless his word to. My large class of Women had much freedom today in the review even although Sue Sat back by the door listening to My Nez Perce. the third time She has been in Church in two years. comes on horseback. I supposed R would announce No camp meeting. but No he was sanis. Billy said this evening there was a trekin outside. suppose because the old time honored meeting is done away with. the gospel is associated with it. & it always has been looked forward to with the delight of children. Many Strangers here for it. fear K will go to Lap. & get into trouble as Many did while away at Umatillas camp Meeting. Sue in a world of trouble about a heathen feast to be held in the Same Grove. but if the Lord has a chosen band there he will care for his own as he has done in many a meeting here. No. S. Oh that I my have mind & heart to go out into My Garden & look after the tender buds on My vines. Under both Foreign & Home Boards. Oh that We May be faithful to the Lords work & care nothing about M Boards. No S. Lesson to S lesson to study today for next S is communion. spoke to Jenet this evening. May the Spirit talk much to her dear girl & bring her to Jesus.

4^th July 1884
Alway thought before the Camp metings were the trouble but there is a greater fuss because there is never Many at Lap. there will be horseracing of cource. James Ruben has returned from the East. suppose Josephs people will Soon get back James has made such an impression East. have Just been up to Roberts & the feast it was almost litterally the Billy Band. found Abram at Sues of course it was the Old subject the Lawyers. Lawyers. perhaps many will get back tomorrow for communion Sab. Archie I suppose will soon be home & then & then. think the people will manage the next 4^th themselves. it would have been better if R had said something about the change. under how the Umatilla camp Meeting is getting on. know whatever is going on at home Lizzie & Artie will go where We always used to go the Cemetery as if Mother needed company. Poor Robert said yeserday, July was from the world but that Christmas, New Years., & Pic nic was from the bible that Christ was born Christmas baptized on New years. poor things how much they need to know yet. Peter Lindsley at Lapwai. When Andrew came Sarah went awy. Obies Peter & wife surprised Me by being here. what an abundance of food at R’s & Oh how Some of them do eat. helped to cook & wash up the dishes. got Some of the boys & pots off the floor. where things are generelly kept. Fanny helped Me while Tuka’s other wife Sat & looked on.

July 6^th 1884
A bright beautiful communion day. Get very near to Jesus this morning in reading 16^th of John. & My Father himself loveth you came so sweetly to Me from Him. & Hitherto ye have asked nothing in My name suggested a train of thought. how could we pray without that precious name & perhaps My prayers have not been realizing the power in the plea for Jesus sake is the reason My only brother is still outside the ark. but how good & soul subduing it is to get glimpses of his face even if I should be brought to it by the slights of one near to Me. All the fears about today being but a handful left here vanished when We saw the house full. although some are at Lap who ought not to be. & how fast, they rise to bear witness this evening showing the spirit was among them. thanks be to Our God Who can hold them in his power

July 9^th 1884
Here alone in My house have made Mrs Luke a Sunbonnet. think it is not likely I will see the plains above the mountains this summer. Sue is Not going I see. waiting the arrival of Some of the Home Board.[illegible] study telling Me of trouble between Peter & that Many will not go to Spokans [illegible] because She has not been taught wifely duties & civilized ways by her teacher & that she is writing to the Phil Ladies of her Men. I. am standing in the way of the Lords work. I am willing Much as I love My Spot here to go. he has held Me here these five years. true the Women in their lessons slowly advance but how can [illegible]. with & the outside work to do. the letter will go down to Mr D. who [illegible] know it had [illegible] her Men. came to Me. have told R. not to come again but Oh Oh the bitter tears are coming. Just as they used to the first year. after I read the letter I went back to the chap. I had been trying for days to understand 1^st of Eph? The power to [illegible] in raising Christ from the dead & placing Him above all Principalities & Powers Might & Dominion flashed before Me while on My knees & the bitter tears blinding the words. blessed truth in Jesus So am I above all. it is good for Me to do Business in Great Waters for there I see the wonders of the Lord. Martha in her prayers always spoke of this Earth as a dirty place Peter L. as a sweating place but to Me it is a plotting place. & Oh but heaven will be sweet free from it there We see straight & together My Sister & I.

Kamiah July 23^d 1884
Up early & over to Sues to see her start for Mt I. again. poor thing she has her will made all to go to Dr L for Missions. My oppinion is she has much to give for she is at no expense for clothing or any thing but for food. She wants to be buried here at K. but twenty thirty years ago she talked Just the same. She said Robert Peter James & Mr Deffenbugh were to be present. Strange her enmity to Mr D. seems to have vanished & all concentrated on another one. the question often comes if she dies will I regret I stood out against her wishes about Mrs L. I am I think doing according to Gospel. Jesus would not refuse her a place because of her husband. While they were swiming the horses I stood back of her. She speaking about how she was to be burried I said I did not care where or how I was burried but did care to be so far away in life from My Sister. surely we could not be near Jesus & be So far apart in heart. her answer was I had put the barrier there. how quickly I think I could give up if it was Just Self. but I have not the right to exclude because of a prejudice. May the Lord Jesus bring us near to himself. & Guide Us both by his eye. Pic nic tomorrow but I dread the ride So think I will not go. Suppose Sue is resting in Mr Browns pleasant Hotel. James met her with a pony to take her up the Mountain. true it is she is a faithful Miss but she think no one else does anything.

Aug 15^th 1884
Packing up for a little visit to see the face of My dear friend Mrs C. only expect to be gone two or three weeks. have a little dread of the traveling because of My sprained foot last year. but the Lord who watches over Me here covers Me with his feathers every night can keep My foot from falling & carry Me over the rough places. I think I really need to go. so perfectly without human company here but what precious company I do have. if the Lord spares Me to return how I long to know how I can work better for this people. What can I do is a question night & morning. to better their domestic condition. the S. S. is all I could wish. the poor old faces follow Me through the week. May they not rise up in Judgment against Me.

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Five pages between the 15th of August and November 2 have been cut out. It is likely that remarks concerning the letter Sue McBeth wrote to Dr. Lowrie in July of 1884 were the subject of harsh exchanges between the sisters.
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Nov 2^nd
Well the change was made quietly & gracefully as Mr D. in his letter suggested. to remove One affront among the Men & My great class of Women was exchanged for one seat full of the pupils. rather were for Mrs L one of the expelled ones was among them but hats off & the old handkerchief on. I wore My glasses to hide My red eyes. My Women gathered around Me close I wonder what the other affronts are but I have many faithful wounds from friends but the Judgments of the Lord are true & righteous. altogether by them thy Servant is wounded. May I keep them & have the great reward. but I have a sense of forgiveness now let Me wait on thee to strengthen My heart. R was taken by Surprise & would not teach the Women. poor Women. I had not enough of Jesus in My teaching So it comes to pieces.

Nov. 9^th
Few at Church today. most of them at Lap for Annuity. took a class of little girls. Francis R. H.’s poems my present from Bridgewater is much comfort. I can take My changed place in S. S. Saying "Learning to be humble is not lost Time at all" the Lord still Sends David daily to Me & the word Judgements which David talks so much about loving is becoming plainer. but My heart takes such cold spells. My spiritual vision is clouded do not know yet what the S’s will amount to. but manner is much changed. ends are accomplished & the bread is to be baked. R.s idea that the Soul is like the left hand & the heart like the right hand & it [illeegible] shows how strangely they think

Thanksgiving 1884
What a strange people. No thanksgiving service today. have observed the day for five years. perhaps after a long long time I will know the reason for the Silence. I lay this morning remembering or trying to remember the many thanksgivings. Oh how many Some of them stand out distinct in Memory as in Iowa & North Sewickly? & here. how Mrs Webber there & Mrs Campbell here are as a part of the days. Nancy only came to S. today. Peter L. made his appearance soon after dinner to study & sing & finished the day. with Me. Sarah was here We talked of the goodness of the Lord this year. Just over year ago today Mark was at church for the last time. As We talked the tears showed Me she saw the love & faithfulness of the Widows God. May the Lord always care for her. Sol. & Mrs Sol. Wispiksah today & it seems like old times to have this staid couple in the house with Me. & she will give stamina to My poor weakly little S. Which S. L. is anxious to reconstruct after she has flattened it & purged it of the two objectionable ones. wants Me to take the wives of Men Who she mearly names or in three words names My scholars. So the plea from necessity for a teacher for the wives of her Men means Just nothing. Oh bother My poor old heart dwells more on its wrongs than its blessings. I did feel drawn very near this morning in asking for My dear ones. Oh Lord gives us all all understanding hearts so We be not like the ox & Ass. Peter was much interested in [illegible] More holyness Give Me Me.

Christmas 1884
Been to Church. Not like any other Christmas. Something wrong among them. No Sled riding or happy time. not even the usual feast. I see but one tent pitched - the Worship seems spiritless. What is it - Lord come among Us. the tree is to be New years eve I am in the midst of marking the beautiful things but Oh how I would enjoy the help & Society of Some friend like Mrs. Campbell. What are they doing at home today. is My brother among the pleasure seekers or at his home & is Arthur in good spirits. & Are the Crawfords lonely without Kate & Mary & how does Kate like her New home. it Would be Well if Whites As well as Indians had Church. James H.preached from 2^nd Chp Mathew. Will this be My last Christmas among them. the Lord could answer now it is best I do not know He knows. how much more comfortible the people look in dress now. light callico dresses & linen coats were the fashion then now good dresses & overcoats & many of them Artic Shoes. Mrs F wore her hat for the first time today. now all the S. S. teachers wear hats. While Sol’s Were at Church last night I spent the evening With poor dying Hellen Kaine Oh how limited My Nez P. seems when trying to talk of Jesus to those who will soon be past the hearing. Give Me a good heart & [illegible] Oh Lord. & wisdom to walk in a perfect way.

Last Sab of 1884
the fifth Christmas will soon be here & the 4th Tree. if all were only one heart what a nice time We might have. Such beautiful gifts from Fulton N Y. Notwith standing Mr D. opinion that I ought not to teach the large bible class. it is hard to get it fixed R. will not teach it if I am near. he seems anxious to have me take a class of C. I am willing to take any thing or be silent if only the people may be strengthened in the truth Oh how much I hear that is not correct? & it will be so while they are so limited. poor things they are safe on vital Sub. deep snow. Sol. took Mrs S. & Myself in sled to church. is My darling niece Kate Bassinger in her new home. My the Lord sanctify it by his continual presence. how lonely the Crawford home must be. No word from Robbie. Lord keep us from growing apart as some of the family have grown. Mr D. has been to see & talk With Dr L. about My case. I do not know how I would rather have it decided. Lord Jesus give Me a restful trusting heart. I am not worthy to be even a servant here even if My heart loves the Service. Oh that the Lord Might come among Us come to dwell in all the earth. I cannot understand the bible correspondance pamphlet. think Will have the S. S Lesson every day in the week Oh that I might be more like Paul.